Make up your Mind
I’m Restarting my Celibacy Journey!
So, I feel like I haven’t really shared much with you all. In fact, the majority of my entries start off this way. *Inserts an awkward face emoji* To be completely honest, the caption of this blog post should be ‘GETTING MY STUFF TOGETHER AND DOING WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.’ But, that doesn’t sound as kind and cute.
Anyways, as I’m sure you understand by now I am restarting my celibacy journey. BUT what does that mean? What does it include? What does it not include? How, sis?!
I’ll give you a little background about me first. I started dating a guy in high school, that I ended up being with until the age of 20! (I’m 23 now). We were very much sexually active to keep it PG, and not tempt folks. However, once we broke up at age 20, I made a vow to myself and God, that I wouldn’t have sex again until marriage! As you can imagine by the title of this blog post, I broke that promise! It started in very subtle ways. I would entertain certain conversations, even with my ex. I would watch things. Or just allow my imagination to drift into a very naughty place. I eventually ended up giving in, and doing it myself (if you know what I mean).
About 2.5 years later (we’re in 2018 now), I meet this new guy, that seems like he checks every single thing off of my rushed please give me a husband, God list. LOL. Anywho, we meet and immediately have NO boundaries sexually. That was a major red flag for me, but at least I wasn’t alone anymore, right?! There went all my work over those 2.5 years. I was crushed when we didn’t work out (we ended in Jan. 2019). How could someone know the risk I took and still not love me the way I crave? Didn’t he know I promised God?! Because I certainly disclosed this in attempts to make him feel guilty.
To try to cope with the whirlwind of meeting this, what I thought was a great guy, then being heart broken by this same fellow; I fell back into the bed of my ex. Once. Okay twice. Okay, maybe he was in my bed too? You get the picture! I needed a distraction, but I didn’t realize that a flesh distraction would also be a purpose distraction.
Now, I’m sure many of you are thinking; ‘How does this make sense?’ As a believer, I’ve been taught to hardly do as much as kiss until marriage. I thought it was just one of God’s “rules,” but it isn’t. It’s one of the ways he wants us to protect our heart, and the gift he’s placed inside of us. Because, believe it or not, sex is not ever JUST sex. It tends to confuse 1 or both parties, and cause emotions and baggage. And let me tell you, I felt confused and my arms were exhausted from carrying around the weight of the baggage!
So, today I am pressing the reset button on my sex life. I am officially recommitting my vows to no sex before marriage. Yes I’m only 23. I have no boyfriend, and literally have no idea if my husband exists! But, I am choosing to believe, that my faith will align me with the amazing man, that I day dream about sweeping me off my feet! I believe this not so easy journey is more than worth it, for the peace, stability, and focus that will take place.
I had to look beyond my feelings, and remind me of what I desire. I had to say, you know what, I DO want a husband that isn’t just a guy in my life. Our purposes make sense. We choose God’s way together. I DO want healthy babies, and a healthy family. You may be thinking “Bri, relax you’re young and you’ve had 2 serious relationships,” but this little big heart has been shattered many times. I’ve learned it is up to me to protect it with the best of my ability.
What isn’t allowed for me:
Conversations entertaining my previous sexual experiences (they are triggers personally)
Compromising for anyone. So, even if a guy is super fine I still can’t break my promise this time around.
In my opinion, abstaining from sex until you are with the right person also protects your heart from major unnecessary pain. It also doesn’t let you have those bed room blinders I had for many years. Basically, you tend to avoid the deep sorrow, and wasted time because you see people for who they are, and not how well they please you physically. Will I be perfect because I’m not having sex? No. But, I feel in my heart it’s so worth the effort and intention!
If you’d like to join the journey with me, please let me know! We are not alone. You are not alone. I certainly don’t want to attempt this by myself again, and feel ashamed to say I’m waiting! To participate and follow my journey, be sure to give @intentionallyherchallenge on IG a follow! I will be starting a video series soon!
If you’re in the Grand Rapids, MI area I am having an event soon that I’d love for you to check out! It is for the ladies (sorry fellas). It is called the Sunday Soiree, that will be taking place Sunday, September 15th from 5pm to 8pm at the Squibb Coffee and Wine bar! Tickets can be found below.
Before you go I want to remind you, that WE got this! Life is a journey, and it should be enjoyed! If there are any habits you want to break, go for it- I’m rooting for you!